Maestro

3 Aug

I recently returned from my fifth year helping to run our Rotary district’s week-long youth leadership camp. How does a volunteer team of more than forty mostly-20-somethings help to empower nearly 150 mostly-17-year-olds?

A paraphrase of what one camper said last year summarizes it well: “I came here expecting to learn a cardboard cutout of what it means to be a great leader. Instead, you showed me me.” The camp curriculum and process gets to the heart of recognizing, respecting and using individual uniqueness and gifts, both one’s own and those of others, as the most powerful way to lead. Continue reading →

What’s The Condition of Your Blade?

2 Jul

At one point I operated two separate Taekwondo studio locations myself. Certainly not all by myself; I had a number of black belts who would assist as they were able and also cover classes in my absence. That was important because I had one overlapping class night and could not be in two places at the same time.

I ended up with the two locations — one my own original location and one my instructor’s, which he passed on to me — for two reasons. First, I hoped to ensure that both communities would have the opportunity to train in Taekwondo into the future. Second, I hoped to earn some semblance of livelihood through Taekwondo instruction and, between the two locations, I felt that might be possible.

As soon as one enters the realm of traditional martial arts studio operations there are lease commitments, overhead costs, facility maintenance needs, and constraints of operating Continue reading →

How To Avoid Getting Trapped in the Web

26 Jun

“Hello, this is Chris.”
“Hi, Chris, it’s Tom Marchetti; does that ring any bells?”
“Gee, your name sounds familiar, but sorry, I’m not making the connection.”
“I was at RYLA; my mom is Sue Ma . . .”
“Oh, gee, yeah, TOM! I can’t believe I didn’t recognize your name. I remember you clearly.”

So it continued for a bit with Tom, a camper several summers ago at our Rotary District 5580 Rotary Youth Leadership Award camp. A rising high school senior then, he has graduated from college and is working in a professional sales position. He thought of me as someone he could contact as part of his outreach.

Before we wrapped up that phone conversation, I stopped to ask Tom what about RYLA has stuck with him. He didn’t hesitate before he told me this:

“You know that Spider Web challenge my family (team) did? We completed it, but I think almost all of us had touched the strings in some way. When our facilitators asked us after how we think it went, we all knew we had touched the string and at first no one wanted to say anything; we were so happy and relieved to complete it. I knew then what integrity was. We admitted it, tried it over, and accomplished it. I still think about that all the time.”

My head and heart were exploding! Continue reading →

Paging Dad

20 Jun

Father’s Day 2016. I got my Father’s Day text message from my son early in the morning: “Happy Father’s Day, dad. I love you very much.”  That was simply the most warming text I could get.

Robb’s text got me thinking back to what we’ve shared as a boy and his dad: our relationship, experiences, the good, the bad the ugly. The joys and and the regrets. At times I’ve thought, if not uttered, “If I could do it over . . .”.  But why? He’s married to an amazing young woman, completed law school, has a budding legal career, is a heck of a decent and fun guy, and loves me very much. Perfect.

One thing we’ve shared nearly our entire lives together has been Taekwondo. Continue reading →

Maxing Out The Master Card

5 May

There it is again: An empty roll of toilet paper in the holder, a new roll right there on the shelf. And again: A used plate on the counter, directly over the empty dishwasher.  And again: Granules on the island, a remnant of “spoon spillage” during the transfer from container to glass. What about that greasy Pam overspray ignored on the counter? How about that goopy fingerprint on the cabinet door? The washed sauce pan, clean on the inside but needing obvious attention on the outside?  Did I mention toothpaste splatter on the bathroom mirror? Is there a contest to see how full a trash can might get before someone has to take out the bag?

Why can’t everyone just clean up after themselves, help out, notice something that needs attention, step up and do something on their own and, Continue reading →

Molly and the Indomitable Spirit

30 Jan

I attended a taekwondo tournament this past Saturday. At two hours away from Duluth, it is one of the closer tournaments available to our students, so I encourage them to participate since there are few such convenient opportunities. Tournament competition is an infrequent experience for nearly all of our students, so I like for them to have it and to benefit from it.

One student of ours who participated was Molly, a petite eight-year-old girl. She and her brother Sam participated last year; however, this year, Sam chose not to participate, largely due to the overbearing sparring match he had last year. As a smaller tournament, organizers are hard pressed to split competitors into ideally appropriate divisions based on age, rank and experience. Sam had gotten consistently scored on in sparring by another boy who was, I believe, older, bigger, higher rank and more experienced.
Even though Sam had competed well in forms and breaking competitions, the sparring experience Continue reading →

Thank You

1 Jan

Note: This post was originally begun in early November, nearly two months ago. I put it aside as I processed life matters in the wake of the events I describe. I now complete it on New Year’s Day.

(November 9, 2015) I am writing this while in Fall River, Massachusetts, the city where I was born and raised. My mom and I are waiting to pick up my step-dad’s remains. He was cremated last week. Twenty-two days ago, I flew here on short notice, the day after John went into the ICU with severe pneumonia. We endured two weeks of very intensive care of John, a time during which he was initially in a dementia and then soon sedated and intubated with the hope he could overcome infections and all sorts of system irregularities. Continue reading →

Sharing Joy Should be More than Passing the Dish Soap

21 Sep

I was sitting in church having taken part in some uplifting music and now, with a thought-provoking, spirit-challenging sermon in my head and gut, we get to the time in the service when we share Joys & Concerns.

(In summary)

” Paul will be leaving for school.”
” Alison has a job and found a roommate.”
“Eva passed away this week.”
“My sister has pancreatic cancer.”
“My wife’s treatments are continuing.”
“Jim will be leaving for another tour in Afghanistan.”
(followed by more concerns. . .)

Typically during this part of the service I am struck by three thoughts:
1. There are many more Concerns than Joys, and often no Joys whatsoever.
2. If you want to share a Joy, you’d better do it at the front end because, I don’t know about you, but I’m reluctant to share a Joy after hearing many of the Concerns.
3. There should be three question marks after the word Joys in the bulletin (Joys??? & Concerns).

I’m left with one question: “Why are we reluctant to share Joys?” When I say we, perhaps I should reference Presbyterians (I used to be Roman Catholic). Or, perhaps, I should put it in the context of Scandinavian culture in Minnesota (I was born and raised in Massachusetts, to immigrant Azorean Portuguese). Perhaps it is a broader phenomenon that crosses faith traditions and cultural heritage. Or maybe I am living in space between the formality and privacy of the “Frozen Chosen” (Presbyterians), and the passive-aggression & self-deprecation of so-called Minnesota Nice. In any case, I feel there is supposed to be more.

Admittedly, it can be hard to mention good things in the face of other people’s struggles and tragedies. It doesn’t seem in good taste. There you are with a husband dying of cancer and I shove the Joy of my son’s new joy right in your face.

In northern Minnesota in particular, it seems people tend to refrain from talking about themselves, about achievement, good stuff in their family or about their kids; it can easily be seen as bragging, or at least we think it will be seen as such. I can just hear Garrison Keillor telling news from Lake Wobegon, imitating Sven Carlsen sharing his opinion with wife Ingrid after hearing someone at church coffee time going on about their son who’s moved to Minneapolis : “I t’ink he’s maybe a little bit full of himself d’ere. Yah, he might be a little too proud of his kid, ya’ know?”

Life can be challenging, even brutal. Work demands, schedule pressures, financial challenges, family turmoil, injury, illness, death. Facing these things, we can get pretty stressed, negative, beat up, despairing. We can even lose faith of whatever sort we have. I know that I can get pretty focused on the negative and let challenges, or even worries, pretty easily overcome me. I also know that even when I am thinking most bleakly, seeing a picture of a friend’s new grandson can really lift me up and think about all of the positive, uplifting wonders in life.

In the midst of all this, I think we need to share and celebrate Joys. Faith traditions tell us we should celebrate our gifts, that we should find the hope in challenge and defeat, and that we are made to enjoy life and be happy. Secular authors have written words that ring true about gratitude, joy, and hope. Social media abounds with positive and supportive memes. In the midst of fog and dark, we are meant to shine light, both for ourselves and others. Perhaps while in fear and dark over a spouse’s cancer prognosis, one can find light in another’s joy. Perhaps it can become like passing on a candle flame. When we have a basket full of rotten, stinking apples, it’s OK if someone holds out to us one of their crisp Golden Delicious and lets us sample a bite or two, or maybe eat the whole thing.

If there is any fault in this sharing Joy business, perhaps it is in not asking others to share theirs. Before offering up your own latest-greatest, a good habit might be to ask others what good things are happening in their life (judiciously, maybe, depending on struggles they are facing). This habit can perhaps lead us to a larger orientation of listening, appreciating and understanding others. Share in their Joy and they will naturally want to share in yours.

What might it do to a congregation to share and celebrate all of the plusses in people’s lives? What can it mean to a family to readily see, share and affirm the positive in their experience together? What would it mean to a workplace where the focus is on uplifting people and encouraging them bring their good things to their common time together? Yes, support and care for each other as we face challenges, but show and share the light in the gloom. Light does overcome darkness.

Joys and Concerns? I do think those are listed in the right order. I think I’ve just got to read more carefully. And, believe it or not, I do have the right blood type: B-Positive!

 

 

 

← Older Entries
Newer Entries →